Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Trim & Fit Yet Rather Fat & Bloated

Wa lao eh, combat rations now also must trim and fit sia nahbeh chaocheebye. What is the point leh? LPPL right?

Huh? Healthier is good ah, you say? Boy boy very fat already suppose to lose weight in army mah, how can eat fatty combat rations, right?

Alright, Limpeh must clarilify first ah. i not saying trim and fit food no good for boy boy. I just saying i dun think the whole exercise got contribute much to ops readiness ah, and we dun even know how much lui they spend on the project.

"Why useless?" you ask.

Ok, Limpeh now tell you why this plan sounds damn cock to me.

Reason Number 1:

A healthy diet is a long term thing. I believe any sensible nutritionist will tell you that. Eating char kway teow once a week is not really going to make much of a difference to my waistline if i eat like St Francis of Assisi the other six days.

So, the question is, how many days each month is a soldier in an active unit required to feast on fatty, unhealthy, greasy combat rations? Not too many actually. Our boys get hot meals in the cookhouse most of the time, and combat rations are, in fact, somewhat of a novelty for most. A commander who makes his men eat combat rations everyday is either a goondu or trying to get rid of expiring stock.

What about long training stints in the jungles of *insert countryof choice*? Ok, Jungle Confidene Course is 10 days, and they teach you how to cook monitor lizards which i hear is quite lean and low in cholesterol. The longest longest ever jungle training is the Ranger course at 70 days. Wa, more than 2 months of fatty rations all become fatty bumbum already ah? haha. I challenge you to find me a fat Ranger trainee who is more than halfway through the course. If you can, i suck your cock.

Ok, you say, so what about real war? Cannot control how long we need to fight right? Limpeh tell you hard truth - if anyone need to eat combat rations for more than a few weeks during a hot war, their waistlines will be the last thing we'll be worrying about.

Reason Number 2:

For every day in the field, boy boy needs 3350 kcal of energy to fight.

Now we see the calorie content of the different nutritious stuff ah.

Fat: 9 kcal/g
Protein: 4 kcal/g
Carbs: 4 kcal/g
Alcohol: 7 kcal/g

Now you tell me which one most efficient to carry into combat in terms of weight. If you dunno i tell you, it's the fat lah!!

Of course you cannot make boy boy drink cooking oil right, so the rations now still got carbs and protein and some dietary fibre, but sadly no alcohol (officially).


Now the zenghu tell us they buy these new rations with our money ah, is got LESS FATS BUT STILL LIGHTER THAN OLD RATIONS wor!!!

Wa... what longevity elixir they put inside sia. Just eat the Jigong's gaokueh then stomach full already is it? Cannot be, what.

So means either the total calorie content got to go down (i.e. boy boy not enough energy), or they synthesize some spanking new compound that is more efficient that fats (i.e. the lifescience people can shout "HUAT AH!!!" and collect their Nobel prize).

Or they make the "weight go down" by using enviromentally friendly edible packaging, i.e. they want you to eat the cardboard packet, and assume that you can digest cellulose like a horse when they do their nutritional content computations.

OR, they smoking us as usual.

Reason Number 3:

If boy boy is actually growing fatter while training out in the field ah, then i suggest he better pick up his fucking ET and start digging before his buddies bury him alive in the shellscrape for EATING SNAKE!!!

Seriously, outfield is tough. The nutritionists say you need 3350 kcal each day while out in the jungle for a very good reason. You should be getting fitter with that kind of workout, not fatter.

Ok, granted not all vocations require the same amount of physical exertion outfield. Boy boy might be in some shake-leg unit ah, like he just go there and setup the signal antenna then wait for other people to finish chiongsua that kind. If that is the case ah, i suggest that boy boy chose to eat either the green packets or the maggie mee. Not both. And skip the oreo cookies too.

You think boy boy is like goldfish ah, feed too much will die? Feed him anything he also must finish if not buay shiok ah? Come on lah, if boy boy is suppose to be mature enough to kill and die for his country he ought to be able to control his own diet. If boyboy cannot control, (like so many of us,) then he will grow even fatter after he ORD, (just like so many of us too,) especially since Auntie Rosemary's Triple Whammy Kong Bak Bao is so damn fucking nice.

It's about self-discipline and awareness of your own dietary needs, man. Not much to do with how fatty the rations are.

Reason Number 4:
If you have had the privilege of working with our very nice contractors you would throw up blood and (almost) die. Then you ask for your old stuff back. But then boss say money pay already must use the new stuff. Yay. ORD loh.


For the above reasons, I think the whole thing sibeh waste effort and waste money. But Limpeh open minded one. I eat see the new one nice or not first then i tell you guys.