眠れない...

Weekends are shitty. I look forward to them but somehow they always ends up shitty. Once again, I am suffering from insomnia this week.

Time to blog.

Tamura failed to defend her -48kg title. Oh well, it happens. Haven’t been keeping up with Judo news in recent years, but the Olympics is one of the rare occasions when I get news about unsexy sports like Judo in the papers. Tamura Ryouko was one of those inspirational players whose videos I had studied so closely the images would remain in my mind long after the great-grandchildren of my brand new Seagate External Hdd have failed and gone to hardware heaven. I’m surprised she’s still in the sport though. I remember having read a research paper that said judokas have much shorter careers than kendo players bcos of the shorter “engagement distance”. Since a judo match is fought at closer distances than kendo (you can smell your opponent’s unwashed gi), players need quicker reflexes to stay competitive.


As seen above, with increasing age, the advantage from higher EXP lvls is countered by a decreasing Reflex Stat. Judokas usually peak around age 25, whereas kendokas remain competitive into their 30s. Btw, last season’s S-League top scorer was 39, but I think that has got more to do with foreign talent pwning the local players. Hmm, Tamura won her first Olympic medal in Barcelona at 16. That makes her 32. Maybe she should join her fellow Tamura in the Forever-17 Club. Oh ya, she got married and is known as Tani Ryouko now. Can’t stop calling her Tamura though; old people like me are stubborn.

Live Action Azumanga Daioh!!!

Ya, I know it’s a hoax. Been looking for this pic since I read about it on the most reliable source on the Internet. The link on wiki is broken though. (edit: Was broken. Someone fixed it within the last 2 years or so while I wasn’t looking.)

The (fake) actresses for Chiyo-chan and Tomo would have been great for their roles, they fit the images of the characters to a T. Sakaki looks too “mature”. And the boobs are not American, at most a Hawaii. Kagura is cute and sporty but doesn’t look like Kagura; not dark enough. Yomi doesn’t look bookish at all, the glasses feel like props somehow. Plus, she’s not chubby enough. Doesn’t look like a tsukkomi chara either. Osaka is just plain irreplaceable.

Now I start yawning. Great.

Are you thinking what i'm thinking, B1?

I think I am, B2.

It’s drop dead at work time.

寝技

According to the latest poll, half of this blog’s audience has no idea what Newaza (寝技), or groundwork in judo is. So I thought I’d do a tiny introduction.

Basically Newaza means techniques of fighting on the ground, as opposed to Tachiwaza (立ち技) which are for fighting on your feet. Newaza techniques include chokes, holds and armlocks. Here's an example:


As I was struggling, she thrust her right leg between my thighs and executed, as I remembered from somewhere, a brilliant inside leg trip.

"Umph!" I lifelessly raised my voice.

Putting all her weight on my body, Haruhi then pushed me down to the floor. Haruhi rode me like a horse, getting in the mount position. She was trying to slip her hands inside my blazer. But I still resisted somehow.

"Yuki, lend me a hand here! Go grab Kyon's hands!"

As she said that, Haruhi had started taking my blazer off. Hey hey hey, shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself!? Is stripping Asahina-san not enough for you, you perverted girl!?

If you’re wondering, that is not some smutty fanfic that I wrote. It was taken from Baka-Tsuki’s translation of the 8th Haruhi novel. And it’s a perfect example of Newaza at its best. The mount position is an advantageous position in judo from which many techniques can be executed. The most straightforward would be to lean forward and hold your opponent’s shoulders down for a win by osaekomi (holding). The match is yours to lose if you manage to maneuver your opponent into this position.

Why am I not surprised that Haruhi knows judo?

The above is an example of the Kami Shiho Gatame, the upper forequarters hold. The guy there is doing it wrong because he is attempting to control his opponent’s lower body. It is much more effective to concentrate on the head and shoulders. She can flail her legs all she wants; as long as the shoulders are on the ground she’s going no where. The way he's doing it, he'll end up inoculating his face with candida albicans from her resident flora.

This is the Yoko Shiho Gatame, the side forequarters hold. On second thought, our friendly demonstrator might be attempting a variant of the Mune Gatame (Chest Hold). His interpretation of the term “Mune” appears to be limited to certain features of the anterior thoracic wall. This hold is not well executed too. Again, the head and shoulders remain mobile as all he controls is a handful of meron-pan.

In conclusion, if you want to learn Newaza from anime, do not learn from loser generic male protagonists like Urashima Keitaro or our friendly demonstrator Shirogane. Learn it from dominating alpha females like Haruhi. She’ll know how to pin a man down.

Poll Results, KAGIs & Judo RPGs

Let’s sum up the results of the poll “Would you spend the equivalent of 20 Big Macs on a game like Blue Flow?”

The results were unanimous, with all 3 votes going to “What’s the point of having a poll when this blog has only a readership of 2?” This blog is not haunted by the spirit of Tsukimiya Ayu or any other Key Astral-projection GIrl (KAGI). Now you know why they have KAGIs in almost every Key game. It wouldn’t be a KEY game without the KAGI. But I digress.

I voted twice accidentally.

And I’ll tell you what the point of having a poll is.

It’s for me to gain blogging EXP.

I realized drawing analogies to RPGs can be a great motivational tool. If I can spend 99h 99m 99s to grind to Lvl99, imagine what I could have achieved if all that effort was applied to other endeavors.

My old judo coach used to motivate his players with FF analogies. (He’s an FF fan.) He would say “You’ll level up and get stronger by fighting monsters right? The tougher the monster the more EXP right? It’s the same for judo, so go spar with the strongest opponents you can find.”

I had wanted to point out that in FF VIII it’s much better to keep your levels low as the monsters scale up as you level. And the stat gain from levels is abysmal compared to junctioning. Moral of the story? Get a GF.

Or a wife. Or a mistress. Or a life partner. Preferably someone like this:

What happens when you junction Rinoa to Quistis? The doujin would make quite an interesting read.

Anyway, I found that FF analogy rather exciting and enjoyed judo training a bit more, though I did get the Game Over screen countless times. And I broke quite a few limbs with my Limit Break, most of which belonged to me. I’d call home to tell my folks I’m at the emergency department getting a dose of Phoenix Down and the response would be “Again?”. If you’re interested, the sound of an ulnar snapping is rather similar to that made by a snapping twig. The ulnar didn’t belong to me btw.

One more reason judo plays like FF VIII is that your opponents do scale up as you level. Players are categorized by belt level in Kyu Grade Tournaments, so you’d supposedly meet opponents of the same skill. But as most of us quickly found out, belt levels in judo can be as deceptive as character levels in FF VIII. I think belt levels are more a reflection of a player’s knowledge of judo rather than his fighting ability, which is largely determined by strength, reflexes, fighting experience and mental grit. A skilled judoka can always remain a white belt if he refuses to pay the Judo Federation 20 bucks for each grading exam.

In other words, high belt levels are a risk factor for powerful skills but there is no direct causal relationship. The absence of high belt levels cannot exclude the possibility of powerful skills. History and direct examination remain the gold standard in diagnosis of the condition. Once diagnosed, it is recommended that the condition be managed by a multidisciplinary team of players and coaches as the presentation varies widely among patients and there is no standard treatment. Praying for a rampaging taxi driver to come tearing down the street whenever the patient crosses the road is ethically controversial, and although plausible logically, is unsupported by clinical evidence.

And I think my coach was secretly enjoying a game of real life Pokemon with the team.

“ZeoiNagePotato!! I CHOOSE YOU!!!”

This is not me. This is Yawara. She is voiced by Akiko-san.

This is not me either. This is Ryoko. She is voiced by herself.

I’m putting up a new poll.

Would you like a GF who’s strong in groundwork? Do you have a secret desire to be pinned down, choked and arm-locked?

Vote away, I need the EXP.