寝技

According to the latest poll, half of this blog’s audience has no idea what Newaza (寝技), or groundwork in judo is. So I thought I’d do a tiny introduction.

Basically Newaza means techniques of fighting on the ground, as opposed to Tachiwaza (立ち技) which are for fighting on your feet. Newaza techniques include chokes, holds and armlocks. Here's an example:


As I was struggling, she thrust her right leg between my thighs and executed, as I remembered from somewhere, a brilliant inside leg trip.

"Umph!" I lifelessly raised my voice.

Putting all her weight on my body, Haruhi then pushed me down to the floor. Haruhi rode me like a horse, getting in the mount position. She was trying to slip her hands inside my blazer. But I still resisted somehow.

"Yuki, lend me a hand here! Go grab Kyon's hands!"

As she said that, Haruhi had started taking my blazer off. Hey hey hey, shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself!? Is stripping Asahina-san not enough for you, you perverted girl!?

If you’re wondering, that is not some smutty fanfic that I wrote. It was taken from Baka-Tsuki’s translation of the 8th Haruhi novel. And it’s a perfect example of Newaza at its best. The mount position is an advantageous position in judo from which many techniques can be executed. The most straightforward would be to lean forward and hold your opponent’s shoulders down for a win by osaekomi (holding). The match is yours to lose if you manage to maneuver your opponent into this position.

Why am I not surprised that Haruhi knows judo?

The above is an example of the Kami Shiho Gatame, the upper forequarters hold. The guy there is doing it wrong because he is attempting to control his opponent’s lower body. It is much more effective to concentrate on the head and shoulders. She can flail her legs all she wants; as long as the shoulders are on the ground she’s going no where. The way he's doing it, he'll end up inoculating his face with candida albicans from her resident flora.

This is the Yoko Shiho Gatame, the side forequarters hold. On second thought, our friendly demonstrator might be attempting a variant of the Mune Gatame (Chest Hold). His interpretation of the term “Mune” appears to be limited to certain features of the anterior thoracic wall. This hold is not well executed too. Again, the head and shoulders remain mobile as all he controls is a handful of meron-pan.

In conclusion, if you want to learn Newaza from anime, do not learn from loser generic male protagonists like Urashima Keitaro or our friendly demonstrator Shirogane. Learn it from dominating alpha females like Haruhi. She’ll know how to pin a man down.