Brown Flow

Qn: How long does it take to make homemade Ice Cream?

Ans: A few hours, depending on how cold your fridge is. But the actual preparation time is only about 5 minutes, and that’s if you’re a bloody slowpoke.

How did I know that?

Well, Ice Cream R&D is another favourite pastime of mine. Yes, I do have other hobbies besides ogling moe girls and mecha.

What’s the point you ask? The konbini stocked full of delicious creamy Ice Cream is just a 3-minute stroll away. A Google search for a recipe takes less than 3 seconds. Why bother with R&D? If everyone thought that way the only ice cream flavour known to Man will be Vanilla and the world would be a sad, sad place to live in.

Then again, the point of my research is not to develop new flavours, though I occasionally do stumble upon new ones. My main objective is to produce a decent ice cream recipe using everyday ingredients that can be found in any household at anytime. No fancy ingredients or equipment like gelatin or liquid nitrogen. No need to make any special trips to the grocer. Take a look in the kitchen cupboard or fridge and everything needed is in there. These are the principles by which I go about my R&D.

After tinkering with various recipes for the past 2 or 3 years, I think I’ve just discovered the right formula that produces the correct Ice Cream-like texture and tastes decent to boot. That might sound lame, but let me tell you it’s not easy to achieve that creamy texture. Too much fluid and the thing becomes a popsicle, frozen rock solid. Too much fat and not enough water gives you Nutella.

And I’m giving the recipe away right here. For Free. I’m not going to patent it. I won’t track the IPs of those visiting this page. I won’t send them letters demanding 5K. Take the recipe and try it for yourself. If you like it, pass it on and I’ll be very happy.

Here you go.

Brown Flow (I know it’s a shitty-sounding name)

Ingredients:
Cocoa/Milo Powder x3 teaspoons (note that the sweetness will be significant if you do use Milo)
Sweetened Condensed Milk x2 teaspoons
Peanut Butter x1 teaspoon
McVities Digestive Biscuit x1 (Really, I’m not kidding.)
Milk x2 tablespoons (maybe 3, I can’t remember. It’s just a solvent anyway so I dun think it really matters.)
Ribena syrup x2 tablespoons
Brandy x1 tablespoon (Well, I have it in my cupboard. My name is ZeoiNagePotato and I have a problem. Not.)
Raisins x1 handful (Depends on how big your hand is. And whether you like raisins.)

Instructions:
Mash the whole lot together, except the raisins. Mash the biscuit real well or it’ll leave a grainy taste in your mouth. The texture should be like Nutella on a very hot day. Like 90°C hot. It’s that runny. Now mix the raisins in and freeze.

Preparation Time:
5 minutes if you’re a slowpoke. 3 minutes if you’re pikachu. Freezing time depends on your freezer. Mine is disgustingly not cold so I’ll leave it in there for at least 12 hours. Another 10 seconds to dump the bowls and spoons used in the sink so someone else can wash it, but that runs concurrently with the 12 hours.

Don't ask me what each ingredient is suppose to do, I don't know. The brandy might be there bcos it acts as an emulsifier or it might be there bcos it makes the whole thing quite posh. I don't know, it's all empirical.

I still have 2 cups of the stuff in my freezer. Maybe once I figure out how to use a digital cam I can take some pictures of Brown Flow.

Bon appetite.