Kebab = Dubai?

Realise I’ve been awol for a while. Time sure flies. Everyone in the office is in a festive mood by now - not much is happening. Managed to complete (to some extent) all three projects I had on hand at the beginning of Dec too, so I’m going a bit easier. Got to come up with new stuff to write about soon though; I’m way behind the rather unrealistic target of two papers a month.

How I wish I could submit a paper like this:

RESEARCH REPORT: A LOOK AT KATO EMIRI’S
IMAGE MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

OVERVIEW

1. Seiyuus are getting cuter, especially the chicks. Using Kato Emiri as a case study, this paper is an excuse to showcase her cuteness though it pretends to examine how seiyuu manage their image in the media so as to appear cute at all times.

BACKGROUND

2. Kato Emiri (加藤 英美里, born 26 Nov 1983) is a female (I hope) Japanese voice actress working for 81 Produce. Kato hates bugs and loves Snoopy. Google Translate thinks she is Hirano Aya for some inexplicable reason. (Actually this would make a nice research topic in itself; unfortunately, it is outside the scope of this paper.) She has played Maid in Pumpkin Scissors, in addition to Announcer; Female High School Student 1; Friend B; Housewife B; Maid; Shop assistant; and Voice of Flower in xxxHolic.

KATO EMIRI’S IMAGE MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

3. From our observation of her promotion photos, it is likely that Kato Emiri’s image management strategy is anchored upon a single core tactic: she keeps her mouth shut. Real tight. Like so:

4. This has proven to be a rather successful strategy, for she looks really cute in these photos.

LIMITATIONS OF THE STRATEGY

5. This strategy is not without its drawbacks. Candid photos and television screenshots by mean otakus offer the greatest challenge to Emiri’s image control attempts. Observe:

6. The proliferation of such mean-spirited screenies on image boards like Seiup (and this blog) is possibly the greatest threat to the preservation of Emirin’s kawaii image. (Note: No one has actually done the threat assessment. I’m just saying that there might be an iota of a chance that it might have been possibly so in a remotely probable kind of way - so that you can’t fault me if it’s not true in any way.)

POSSIBLE COUNTERMEASURES (See, I said possible again…)

7. The simplest and most straightforward solution would be for Emirin to stop appearing on TV shows or DVD specials or whatever, but that would deprive Kagamisumi of his Emirin videos on youtube, the consequences of which are possibly somewhat disastrous for him.

8. Another straightforward solution would be braces. Buddha knows why she hasn’t got them already. I was under the impression that Japan had pretty good school health services. Maybe the doctors are only interested in measuring school girls’ boobs. Incidentally, Kagamisumi is of the opinion that she needs her teeth the way they are right now to produce her moe voices. I seriously don’t think so.

9. Ventriloquism. Now that would be interesting. Just imagine the “Emirin & Kagamin Show”!

10. Embrace the fact that she has been blessed with a set of menacing incisors plus canines, and audition for the next live-action installment of Resident Evil.

CONCLUSION

11. Actually I like her the way she is. The teeth are kind of cute if you stare at them long enough. As always, there is no point.