Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Bite Me, Garrus

Weird newspaper headlines are weird.
"Poly Grad Found Dead".
So if a certain William Henry Gates III were to die today, my morning papers tomorrow would read "High School Grad Explodes in Shower of Gore and Guts"?
The conspiracy theorist in me suspects that his occupation might have been somewhat inconvenient.
"Conscript Found Dead" certainly does not sound nice.
That said, i recognise that it is unfair to associate his unfortunate demise with whatever obligations he owed to the state. The fellow was probably off duty, been drinking with friends, shit like this could have happened to anybody. Let's not make any unfounded insinuations, right?
So why draw attention to his alma mater/level of education?
Wouldn't "Man Found Dead" have been more appropriate?
Oh, but why not go one step further and make it gender neutral with "Person Found Dead"?
Hmm, then again maybe making so many assumptions would be giving short shrift to the work of philosophers who agonize so greatly over the human condition.
How does "Mass of Organic Matter Found Devoid of Self-Sustaining Biological Processes" sound? "Wave-matter Found Neither Dead Nor Alive"?
Did i just bitch about the headline after reading about someone dying? Did i just try to make a few smart ass comments too? Was that... insensitive?
Well... nobody said i wasn't a bastard (i mean, literally not a single person has ever come up to my face and said, " You are not a bastard.").
Ya. So bite me.
Enjoy some amputee FemShep upskirt. Bioware is so damn kinky.

So my Shepard has naturally black hair. Hmm.

p.s. i got the "self-sustaining biological processes" thing from some religious website. Good luck to all the walking dead with pacemakers. Btw, at what level do you think Kong Hee can Turn Undead?

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